Gaslighting

You may have heard this term before or read something about it. So, what exactly is "gaslighting"? The term gaslighting got it's start from a 1938 play, made into a movie in 1944, titled, Gaslight, where a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind (Sarkis, 2017).

This is a technique used by manipulators to take the blame from themselves and project it onto their victim. It is very powerful and takes place over a period of time. Dr. Sarkis (2017) describes 11 signs that you may be being manipulated by a gaslighter. They include:

1. They tell blatant lies. They tell you lies straight to your face even though you know the truth. The goal is to keep you off balance.

2. The deny saying something even though you have proof. This is an attempt for you to question your own reality.

3. They use what is important to you as ammunition. They will tell you that if it wasn't for this important thing, you would be a better person. Such as your children, a hobby, a passionate goal you want to achieve.

4. They wear you down over time. This manipulation is done over a long period of time. Subtle at first then becoming more intense as time passes. Often times the victim is not even aware of what is taking place.

5. Their actions do no match their words. What they are saying is not important, they are just words. Look at what they are doing.

6. They throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you. They tell you that you do not have any worth, then tell you how great you are doing. This is yet another attempt to keep you off balance.

7. They know confusion weakens people. They want you to question everything, causing you to doubt what is normal. Then they project themselves as the stability so that you feel more comfortable with them.

8. They project. As an example, say they are a cheater or a drug user, yet they accuse you of being a cheater or a drug user. This is an attempt to keep you distracted.

9. They try to align people against you. Masters of manipulation, the gaslighter will find people whom will stand by them no matter what. That tactic is to get you to feel like there is no one you can trust. They want you isolated.

10. They tell you or others that you are crazy. This is an effective tool due to it being dismissive. If you attempt to tell others what is going on, others will not believe you.

11. They tell you everyone else is a liar. By telling you that everyone else is a liar you will question your own reality. They want to turn themselves into the "correct information".

The more aware you are of these techniques the better prepared you are to avoid falling into their trap. The gaslighter wants you to question everything. If you believe you are being manipulated by a person, seek professional help through counseling and other modalities. We have all experienced some form of manipulation throughout our lives; it is a part of the human condition. When this manipulation begins to feel wrong, creates fear, creates anxiety, or makes you question your life; seek professional assistance.

Reference:

Sarkis, S. A. (2017). 11 Warning Signs Of Gaslighting, Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting